Diet Time

After 4 days of binge eating, it is time to fast, exercise and ... well DIET!   I don't know how much I gained this past week, but I do know I ate a lot of food.   Thursday we all went over to the Carnrike's for the official Thanksgiving.  Jocelyn did an awesome job with dinner.  We had ham and turkey and all the fixings.  Friday, of course, was at mom & dad's place for leftovers and cookies.  We baked 2 batches of peppernuts (700 to a batch) and left a 3rd batch in the fridge for dad to cook up.  

Hannah, Noah and I got all the decorations down from the attic Saturday and set up the tree and decorated the inside.  When Emma got home from work we all trimmed the tree.   Last night I made a full pan (7+ lbs of potatoes, 4 lbs of cheese) of scalloped potatoes with the leftover ham.   Mom and dad brought over yet another pie for dessert. 

blessings on your digestion  ;)

New Servicemen

Two of our family members have enlisted in the military in the last month.  My nephew Jonathon is joining the Navy and planning to get into the nuclear technician program.    Andrew has enlisted in the USAF and is still waiting to figure out which field he will be in (with a 95% he can choose any job he wants!!!)

I am very proud of both of them and wish them the very best.

Are You Happy?

"Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults."
  - Thomas Szasz

 I found that quote very interesting when I read it the other day.   Everywhere I go, I hear people complain that they aren't really happy.  The harder you listen, the more you will hear this.  It comes from store clerks, shoppers, co-workers, neighbors, family and friends.  No one it seems, is happy any more.  As the years pass by, I have come to realize that what most people mean by "happy" is really being content.   They are not satisfied with where they are, how they live, what they do, what they have or who they know.   In short, we have become a society of the discontented.

A large part of that has to do with expectations - we feel we deserve to be happy/content.  And we have decided that it is things/people/places that will make the difference.  The truth is that being content has nothing to do with any of that.  Being content means that you have decided that you are "ok" with all of the above.

Yeah, I will admit that there are a lot of times when I don't make that choice - and at the same time I am (slowly) recognizing that it IS a choice.  I am where God has me and it is where I need to be to grow, mature and learn.  I can "choose" to grumble. complain and try to get what I have "decided" I need to be happy - or I can trust God, enjoy the moment and walk the road in front of me.

Expect to see this topic again  :o)

blessings on your day

Where did it go?

Talking about the weekend, by the way.  I ended up working a full day Saturday and more than that on Sunday.  Saturday I had planned for, Sunday - not so much.   The stuff I worked on Saturday night went badly and I spent 5-6 hours fixing it on Sunday (and again this morning).   I really can't complain though as it *IS* what they pay me to do.   Additionally, much of the stuff that was broken was my responsibility one way or another.

Worship was really good Sunday morning and we had a long lunch with Pastor Tim and his family after church. They are super nice people and we are looking forward to developing a long friendship with them.

Gotta Believe

As I went through my study this morning, one verse leaped off the page at me. "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."  This really sums up how I feel right now.  I wholeheartedly believe in God and surrender my life to Him.  At the same time I constantly walk by my OWN strength and take back all that I surrender.  Like the man with the demon possessed child, I acknowledge that only God has the power to heal me.  I also recognize that I lack the faith I need to accept that healing.

Lord I believe, help my unbelief

Running

I have been on a dead run all morning.  We had a software release last night which my boss handled.  I get to do the morning after cleanup.  Upgrading peripheral systems, resetting standby systems, diagnosing the "newest" weird problems.  I guess I shouldn't complain as this way it leaves my evenings free for the most part.  Soon I head out to attend Noah's parent-teacher conference.  I will finish the day working from home so that we can get an early start on dinner.  After dinner we are heading out to Folsom H.S. to see The Wizard of Oz.

Tomorrow I have to put in 12 hours or so on the 'puter.  Huge upgrade this weekend and it is my turn :o)  Sunday we relax and unwind....aahhhhhhhh

Surrender

Today my struggle is with surrender - ok I struggle with that MOST days, however, I am focused on it today.  Before you can really grow and make changes in your life, you first have to remove what was there.   It is the same as urban renewal.  Step 1 is to tear down the old building.  The funny thing about God is that he doesn't tear things down in our lives without permission.  That isn't to say that He doesn't push, prod and encourage us to begin the process.  To do the actual work, however, we must surrender to Him, let Him into our lives (all the way, yes thank you) and let Him start the process of tearing down and ripping out the old, broken structures.

The process of surrendering to God is never a one-time deal (at least not for anyone *I* know).  I am in a constant cycle of surrendering and taking back.  I am also learning that as you go along this path, it DOES get easier.  I find myself letting go of things I have held tightly for all of my life.  God has stripped me of my defenses, my ego and torn down the walls I built to keep people and Him out.  The freedom this brings is amazing!

Begin the process of surrendering today, you will be better for it.   Blessings on your day

Dialogue

Communication continues to be a focus with me.  For much (most) of my life, I have hidden part of me deep inside which means any communication has either been shallow or incomplete.   As I learn to let down those final barricades and expose my inner self to the light I find myself almost over-communicating.  That is a good thing.

The downside is that increasingly I have little tolerance for people that can't (won't) communicate.   I am an information junkie and I will tell anyone who asks pretty much anything.  I will volunteer info if I think you might have the slightest interest in it and I work hard to keep those close to me apprised of the details of my life.  Personally, I think that it ends up being a respect and boundaries issue.  If people are relying on information from you to make decisions, it is your responsibility to make sure that they have the information they need - and in a timely manner.   Yup, stuff happens and sometimes it doesn't work that way.  However, that should be the exception, not the rule.

My $0.02

VOTD

Psalm 1:1-2 (New Living Translation)

 ¹ Oh, the joys of those who do not
      follow the advice of the wicked,
      or stand around with sinners,
      or join in with mockers.
 ² But they delight in the law of the Lord,
      meditating on it day and night.

Who Am I?

Taking a personal inventory is almost like defining who you are.  In a way, it is the DNA of your soul.

Physical:

• My weight is up again, I really want to lose at least 10 pounds
• Allergies are really bad right now which leaves me tired a lot
• The cancer is in remission (gone entirely???)
• My diet is poor, I really need to start watching my sugar intake
• I have stopped going to the gym (too far to drive right now), are there alternatives?
  

Emotional:

• I am content with where I am right now
• Passionate about my recovery efforts
• Completely in love with my wife
• Eager to get reconnected to God
• I miss my children
• I love the support I am getting from my family
• Feeling much more connected as I reach out to the men in my groups

Spiritual:

• Healing, renewal
• Connecting with God
• Breaking down the walls I built
• Learning to pray once more
• Learning to intercede for others

For now that is where I stand.    I feel strongly that this inventory is sufficient only for today.  I see that is lacks detail in many areas and I know that this will come with time and with practice.

until then, blessings to you

Taking Inventory

At one of my groups last week, the speaker challenged us to take a personal inventory.   The inventory would include spiritual, emotional and physical components.  When he said it my reaction was "this is easy, no problem."   Now, 6 days later I still don't have my inventory.  It turns out to be a lot less trivial than I first thought.  The first question I face is what does taking a personal inventory even mean?   Am I counting my toes, taking my emotional temperature, or what?  I think I am finally getting a handle on what I want to list on my inventory.  I will share that with you in a later post.

blessings on your day

Staying Healthy

This means different things to different people.  For me it means I have address all three major aspects of who I em - physical, emotional and spiritual.   As I grow older and (hopefully) wiser I am coming to the realization that unless you address all three, your health will suffer in all three.   Learning balance is a struggle.  For most of my life I have focused on 1 or 2 of the areas but rarely have I put effort into all of them at once.   It seems that when I was working out and dieting I ignored the spiritual side almost completely.  When I focused on the emotional, the spiritual stuff went by the wayside.

Today I am focusing on emotional and spiritual and I find the physical slipping away once again.  Why is it that it is so hard to find a balanced approach to life?  No I don't have the answer to that one (I have few answers indeed) but I would certainly be interested in finding one.  In the mean time I will commit to finding that balance.

blessings on your day

Word of the Year

Oxford (the OED people) has declared "unfriend" as the word of the year.   At first glance this seems to acknowledge the impact of social networks (particularly FaceBook) on our culture.  After a little more consideration it also seems to be an indictment.   Are we so shallow and superficial that we need a special word to state the process of removing friends from our circle?   Is it that they were never actually friends in the first place or is it that we are truly that quick to ban people from our lives at the first hint of failed expectations?

Personally, I have made a decision to remove myself from that world entirely.  Not so much because I disagree with the philosophy but simply because it has been an (almost obsessive) distraction to me in my life.  I initially joined FB to "hang" with my neighbors but it quickly sucked me in with online gaming which lead to the arms race of adding fellow gamers.  At one point I had almost 2,500 people in my "friend list."   Of course the vast majority were just names/numbers but they were still there.  It flooded my email and my text messaging.  It consumed countless hours and became the center and focus of my day.   Frankly, I was very good at ti but the cost was far too great to allow it to continue.

I am a recovering FB user, currently with almost a month of "sobriety" under my belt.  I would have to say that most days I don't miss it at all.  Let me know if you want to kick the habit - there is an app for that...

blessings on your day

Because We Care

I saw that slogan this morning on a delivery truck.  The interesting part is that the truck was delivering caskets.  I guess at some level I understand the desire of the living to honor those who pass, but spending massive amounts of money on something that holds a body and is buried in the ground (or put on a shelf in a mausoleum) seems a little silly to me.  Of course I am also a huge fan of cremation and so don't see a lot of value in burying people anyway.

I have known people that have had to borrow money to buy the plot and the casket.  I have gone to eulogies, memorial services and funerals.  The ones that I remember best tend to be those that are actual celebrations.  There is such a huge difference between the service for a strong believer and the service for a non-believer.  The believer knew what waited on the other side and the family (mostly) knows where they are.  For us, it is a graduation ceremony.  We have finished the program, completed the course and now get to enjoy the rewards of a life lived for God.

Don't bury me, don't spend money on a casket or a plot in a cemetery.  Cremate me and scatter my ashes in the surf off the NorCal coast.  Then sit down, have some wine and remember my life.

My $0.02

Let Me In

Something I have struggled with all my life, is letting people actually see the real me and get inside my walls.  At various times and with various people, I have come close but I have always reserved that inner core just for me.  I find that I can be transparent and authentic - to a point.  There have always been those parts of who I am that I have been afraid to open up.  There have always been parts of me that I felt were too ugly to ever see the light of day.

Lately, God has shown me (forcibly) that it simply isn't true.  He has stripped away all my walls and all my protections.   I have been left naked and bleeding for all to see.  The really interesting thing is that I haven't died as a result.  Instead, I have found people reaching out to connect with me BECAUSE of the ugliness that was exposed.

Amazing things happen when you are willing to take risks.

blessings on your day

Have You Noticed?

I have seen, over the years, that God rarely does things the way you expect (or even WHAT you expect).   The last few days have been a steady stream of surprises - some good, some ....not so much.   It has served to remind me that He is a consummate planner and that He always has more on the table for me than I consider reasonable.   It would be like registering for classes only to discover that "someone" added a math class and two history lectures to your load without asking you.

The only good thing about this is that I trust that God won't send me more than I can handle (no matter what my opinion may be).  The surgeon opens you up to perform radical surgery on you.  While He is in there, He sometimes takes the opportunity to work on bits that you didn't expect.  No worries, He is the master....

blessings on your day and on your weekend

Fall is in the air

It is a lovely fall day here in NorCal.   The leaves are turning brown and falling, there was a definite chill in the air this morning and flocks of geese are honking at us on their way to warmer climes.  Of course for US, a chill means under 40 and brown is pretty much as good as it gets.

It has been a quiet day at work which is a good thing.  I heard from a VERY old friend (well he isn't old, but we were friends a long time ago) which was very neat.  He and his wife are heading to SLC to start up a new church.   Other than that little tidbit, I don't really have a lot to say.  I am sure that will change soon, however  :o)

blessings on your day

Forgiveness

One of the toughest things that I face in my life is forgiveness.  Over the years I have wounded many of those closest to me.  At the same time I have received wounds in return.   Both are very hard for me to handle.  I think part of this stems from my own struggle with grace.  As I work through my issues I have come to the realization that accepting God's grace in my life is not something that comes easily to me.   For whatever reason, I spend far too much time wallowing in the guilt of past failings and not enough time basking in the light from the cross.

It is hard to give grace and forgiveness to others when you can't accept it for yourself.  I have often heard it said that the most daunting distance that exists is the 12 inches or so between our head and our heart.   I am more than capable of writing reams on the topic of God's grace and have lead several studies on the topic.  I have encourage many to accept God's grace in their lives and have quoted volumes of scripture to them.  Yet it seems, that for all my "knowledge" I have a very hard time feeling and acting on it.

For now, I will continue the struggle and continue to pursue the feelings.  Until they come, I will embrace the knowledge and choose to walk  in the light.

blessings on your day

Onward Christian Soldier

Today is the day that we set aside each year to remember and honor those who fight (and die) to keep our country free.   Once again, the battles are being fought in remote, obscure corners of the earth for reasons that not everyone understands and many don't agree with.   That is what it means to be a soldier.  You go where you are told and fight the battles that you are lead into.   And sometimes you die in the process.

We Christians are soldiers as well.  God sends us into battles that we often don't volunteer for in areas that we would rather not consider.  Sometimes we are sent into battle with a comrade in arms - sometimes we are sent into a battle with no one but God at our side.  Like many of the Christians I know, I am in a battle today.   Although there are days when I weary of the struggle I know that in the end, with God's help, I will be victorious.

What battles are you fighting?  Do you have God at your side or are you trying to go it alone?  In the end that will determine whether you retire the field in victory or are carried off on a stretcher.

blessings on your day and as you go, thank God for the men and women of the Armed Forces who allow you to live in freedom and safety...

QOTD

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
  - Mitch Hedberg

Authority

Last night I was talking to some family members who were relating how upset their friends were about the policies of the current administration.   On a number of occasions, I have watched or listened to Christians viciously attack  our President and/or congress.   While I have never agreed entirely with any administration, I have always been careful how I express my views and what I say about those who are in office.   The bible has some things to say on this topic.  Now I recognize that if you don't consider God to be at the center of your life or if you don't consider the bible to be God's Word then there is probably no reason to read further.

Romans 13:1 Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.

1 Peter 2:13-14 For the Lord’s sake, respect all human authority—whether the king as head of state, or the officials he has appointed. For the king has sent them to punish those who do wrong and to honor those who do right.

It seems to me that God is very clear here in regards to how we are to behave and speak about those in authority.   It is very easy to find fault with the elected officials - especially if you didn't vote for them.  What is hard for some Christians to remember is that these officials were elected by the sufferance of God and by His authority they sit in power.  As we look at leaders like Stalin, Hitler, Nixon and Papa Doc it is easy to lose sight of this fact.  

God is NOT powerless nor does the enemy "slip one over on Him."   God is in control and He has a plan.  Sometimes He shares the summary or even details of His plans - more often He does not.   Faith is a choice and is based on trust.  Perhaps we need to exercise more and stop sitting on our spiritual tails eating chocolate covered sermonettes.

blessings on your day

A Family Affair

Saw the following quote this morning and about died laughing.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'    - Jeff Foxworthy

How true that is, although I suspect heading down to the local Wally World on a Sunday afternoon might yield the same observation.   Watching people go by has always been a favorite hobby of mine.  The variety in this world (or even in my small corner of it) is astounding.   More than a few of them really should not be out in public dressed the way they are.  Sometimes I wonder if they (and that doesn't count the teens who dress that way simply to get a reaction) actually own a mirror.

We (fellow believers) are part of a family as well.   Sometimes I consider how we might appear to non-believers, do they wonder what we are doing out in public claiming to be Christian?   I do know that of late many of my choices have been called into question by those that really don't understand.   When you are a follower of Jesus, you tend to take a different view of reality and (hopefully) make different choices.

I know that I have made some horrifically poor choices over the years and that the ones I am making now may look strange but will hopefully lead to healing and stability.   I am starting to be more careful how I dress before I head over to Wally World - or the state fair.

blessings on your day

Apple Time

It was a nice day Sunday.  After church, we picked up one of Noah's friends and headed up to Apple Hill.  Got up there and found that there were almost no crowds (I guess there are advantages to going at the end of the season).  We stopped at our favorite produce place - Boa Vista Orchards - and picked a case of syrups,  jellies and sauces.  We got yams for Thanksgiving dinner (at 2 lbs apiece it only takes 2-3 ) and a small bag of apples for eating.  We picked up 4 pies for the freezer and got a jug of apple cider for spending so much money.

Afterward we headed over to Rainbow Orchards for hot, fresh apple-cider donuts before starting back down the hill for home.  We ended up at Pluto's for dinner.   All in all, it was a beautiful fall day here in NorCal.

A Melancholy Saturday

Sitting here this morning listening to some music and watching the leaves swirl in the wind.   Fall is a sad time of year for me.  Watching the leaves turn brown (California, remember?), the garden die back and the sun light get "dimmer" always seems to put me in a melancholy mood.  Add to that the fact that I am sitting in a kitchen that isn't "mine" and you see why this isn't one of my better days.

Last night Emma and I went to another session at church as we continue our journey towards healing.   Spending time in the wilderness is rarely comfortable or comforting.   It can get dreary and depressing all too quickly.  Sometimes it is hard to remember that all of this is under His control and that the timing is His (and as such is "right").  In a few moments, I think I will head out and find some place where I can sit and do a better job of focusing on what God has blessed me with in my life and stop dwelling on the things that are broken.

blessings on your day

The Bear

As the expression goes - "sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you."  Today the latter is true.   After arriving at work tired and out of sorts (was up most of the night as my pager went off every hour) things started going down hill.  I won't bore you with the geeky details but at some point having your schedule turned upside down and being told to do 3 impossible things at once, you start feeling a little chewed on.

The trick, of course, is to avoid letting that stuff control you and your attitude.  I freely confess that I am not very good at that.   I often go straight to being grumpy, snarly and generally unpleasant to be around.  Today I want to make different choices - I want to maintain a Godly attitude, stay helpful and cheery.   I will stop back in later today and let you know how well I did.

blessings on your day

VOTD

James 4:7-10 (New Living Translation)

 ⁷ So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. ⁹ Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.

New Day

It is a new day here in NorCal and a new day means a fresh start.  Each day we get the chance to decide how we will respond to the events as they unfold.   Each new day brings fresh challenges and opportunities.  At each opportunity we get a new chance to make a choice - do we choose to follow and honor God or do we fall back into old habits and patterns?  All too often, I make the choice to fall back into old habits and patterns.  Make a choice today - choose to do something different, something fresh.

blessings on your day

Seize the Night

The title to a song by Meat Loaf has relevance to me right now.  As I sit here contemplating life I recognize that the night is the most dangerous time to those who struggle emotionally.  Your biorhythms are at their lowest ebb in the wee hours of the morning.   The hours before dawn are a time when the mind travels down roads best left alone.  It is all too easy to travel places that are darker even then the night sky.

We need to take control - seize the night.  We need to plan for those times.  Joseph resisted Potiphar's wife because he had a plan.  Some might say that planning for the dark times is giving in to pessimism - I respectfully disagree.  The dark times always come.  Maybe you are in the wilderness and the dark times come often. Maybe you are resting at the oasis and the dark times seem but a distant memory.  Regardless of where you are, the dark times WILL come.

By planning for them, you can mitigate the impact.  The dark times are when the enemy attacks (usually from behind).  Be having a plan we can defeat the enemy.  While we can't avoid the dark times completely we can certainly reduce the impact and, in some cases, that means the difference between surviving and...not.

Blessing on your night

De die in diem

Literally, from day to day.  Often this is how we live our lives.  I know that I have taken this as a motto for most of my 50+ years.   So easy to live for the moment without consideration for the long term consequences (let's admit it - damage).   It seems that this is one of the hardest lessons for people to learn.  We hammer on it with our children but often ignore it ourselves.

We often hear the phrase "experience is the best teacher" but that really isn't the truth.  Other people's experience would be a MUCH better teacher.  The problem is that was are rarely willing to listen and learn from the mistakes of others (let's face it, we can't even learn from our OWN mistakes).  Why is it so hard to learn and to make better (or at least different) choices?  

More on this later...

~Dum vita est spes est ~

The Universe

Life sure does get strange at times. About the time you think you might actually be making progress towards figuring out your life, you hit construction and detours.

It has been a long time since I "blogged" here, maybe it is time to start chronicling the journey once again. Stay tuned for updates if you like, but it won't hurt my feelings any if you don't.