Being Dependent

At bible study this morning, one of the men mentioned a desire to do better at leaning on, trusting and depending on God.  The longer I thought about this, the more it set me back.  What a powerful and dangerous (from the world's point of view) prayer to pray.  In order to trust God more, we need to have our foundations shaken, our comfort zone erased and our needs left to Him to meet.

To do this means to cast your fate completely on Him.  He will help you learn to trust Him for money, shelter, employment, health and .. well everything.  How many of us trust in our job to put food on the table, trust in our abilities to get/keep that job and trust in our mind and education to acquire those abilities?   How many of us think it is our driving skill that gets us to work unscathed?  How many of us trust in the doctors to keep us healthy?  The truth is that if we are His, He provides it all.  God has promised to be our provider, our strength and our protection.  How many of us are willing to put those promises to the test?

I know that I have not been and frankly, I am not sure I am ready to pray that prayer.  We have learned some of those lessons in the past - finances, jobs, health have all been ripped out of our hands.  We have been forced to turn to God to provide in all those areas.  Each time He has been faithful and I know that God's faithfulness is eternal.

How and where is your trust today?

Sounds Good

I hooked up our new receiver this week.  We have been without a stereo since August when we had the flood.  When I disassembled the systems, I threw out the old Sony which was fried anyway.  We finally ordered a new Onkyo 607 and set it up Wednesday.  Got all the speakers connected and did a rough balance of the system.  I think I will rebalance the speakers again using a slightly different setup this weekend as the left-surround speaker is too strong for the recliner.

Good Advice

The VOTD was "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others." - Proverbs 12:15, NLT.   This is always timely and relevant.  I have gotten advice from some VERY unlikely sources over the years.  The key for the Christian is to 1) keep your ears open and 2) run all advice through the filter of the Word.  When in doubt check with another (impartial) Christian whom you have learned is wise.  I have gotten excellent and timely advice from my wife, parents, friends and even my children.  To exclude anyone is a mistake and one I strongly urge you to avoid.

Remember the mistake of Balaam ;)

Sins of the Father

Last night I met with one of my recovery groups.  During the study and discussion, we started talking about our children and which ones also had addiction issues.  I was amazed and dismayed to see how many of the men had adult children who shared their addiction.  Again and again we hear the stories about children whose lives are destroyed by the sins of their parents.  Our children inherit the bad along with the good - in fact, they seem to acquire the "bad" much more readily than the good.   This is true even when the bad stuff is carefully, meticulously hidden from them.

Telling them what is right simply doesn't work.  If we don't model it (and that rigidly), they aren't going to pick up the good parts.  We can't teach one thing and live another - no matter HOW careful and sincere we appear to be.  What is hidden in the darkness will always be revealed in the light.

What legacy are you leaving YOUR children?

Surviving

The survival tip yesterday was how to escape from a mountain lion.  Apparently they are scared by large coats.  Not sure what to do or how to escape if you are not wearing one.  I am guessing funny hats and off-color jokes don't have the same effect.


I wonder if this issue is addressed in the official postal worker's guide?  I wonder of Brandi would know.....

Drifting

It is soooooooo easy to start drifting.    Living for Jesus and having Him as your focus is hard, hard work.   I liken it to paddling a canoe upstream.   It is as easy as breathing to lose focus and to start drifting back downstream.   We can get trapped in eddies, backwaters, eaten by crocodiles or overwhelmed by rapids.

I have lost count of the number of times I have done this.  I do, however, carry the scars on my heart and in my life.  So many times I have lost focus, drifted downstream and ended half-drowned, clinging to the rocks.  Stay the course, finish the race if you want the prize. Retirement isn't in the bible...

blessings on your day

Float Like a Butterfly

I was talking to a fellow addict this morning and the topic turned to "what works" as far as sobriety.  He mentioned that he has run into addicts that seem to assume he will fail (because he isn't doing what they would do).   I understand that as I have run into some of that myself.   One thing I am learning is that it takes a long time to develop a "program" to stay healthy and sober - the things that work today may not necessarily work tomorrow.

Developing new patterns in our lives is HARD.  The enemy is constantly on the prowl looking for ways to trip us up.  As we continue the journey of sobriety, we need to be aware of this and be continually looking for more ways to grow, get healthy and stay sober.   For me, the first sign of trouble is the tendency to withdraw and to hide.  When I see this (or have it brought to my attention) it acts as an alarm bell.  It means it is time to step up the pace, dig deeper and reach out to others.

Thanks for listening and for walking along side me as I share my recovery.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to my brother Doug.    He turns (mumble, mumble, mumble) years old today!  Lately he has developed what was a hobby into a thriving business and a passion.   If you get the chance, check out his photography website.


Congratulations :)

I Love You, Man

The commercials that ran for a time with that tag were successful in that they added that line to American culture.  Whether they actually sold any product I don't know (don't even remember exactly what product they were selling).   The sentiment, however, is one that is often missing form our society.

I was reading this morning in my son-in-law's blog discussing a passage from 1 Timothy where Paul extols the virtues of caring for others.  Loving people is what Jesus was about.  When He was asked which of the commandments was the greatest, He told us to love God and to love others.  If we do those 2 things, everything else follows naturally.  Loving people isn't always easy, often it requires us to make sacrifices and it almost always requires us to take risks.  Yet in the final analysis, this is what it means to be a follow of Jesus.  We have decide whether to live in isolation and live for ourselves or to truly do what our God requires of us.

blessings on your day

Sorrow

Got some very sad news today, I will wait a few days before sharing it as it isn't my story to tell.  I will, however, take the time to share some of MY story.  The short version is "God Is In Control" and this is true for ALL His children whether they like (know) it or not.  There was a point in my life that I learned this lesson VERY well.

I hid my addiction for many, many years and did so well enough that virtually no one really had any awareness of it.  I went so far as to even go to groups/studies that dealt with SA and hid it there.  Finally, in October of last year, God said "enough!"  In the space of 3 weeks (more or less), He destroyed my walls and laid me bare to the world.  The pain was extreme and there were times I was convinced I would not survive.  As time has passed, I have seen how perfect His timing was.  Today I am on the road to recovery and it would not have happened if I was in charge of the timing.  I have a long, long way to go.  Most days are filled with struggles of varying intensity and there are days I drift back into the images and memories that filled my mind for so many years.

However I have maintained "sobriety" (77 days and counting) in the area that matters the most and am working on the rest.  And yes, I will talk about it with anyone who shows even a glimmer of interest.

blessings on your day

What's The Plan?

It is a truism that our plans are often not God's plans (in my case almost never).  I do trust however, that the plans He has are for my benefit and prosperity.  The problem that I (and most people) have is that I want the benefit and prosperity NOW!  God always takes the eternal view of things while we take the temporal (and immediate) view.   I am going to resist the urge to preach against the "name it and claim it" crowd for now even though they are, by far, the worst offending Christian group in this regard.

A lot of my life over the past 11-12 years has been a process of growing, learning and changing.  God's hand on my life can't be denied even in the midst of the wrenching pain it brings.   The problem with growth and prosperity (in the eternal prospective) is that there is a lot that needs to be torn down, dug up and remodeled in my (our) life.   Watching the work God is doing in my life currently takes a lot of courage.  There are times when focusing on the goal is all that keeps me from throwing in the towel.

"The Lord will work out his plans for my life -- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me."  Psalm 138:8, NLT

Iceberg Ho!

Today's survival tip was what to do if yo are stranded on an iceberg.  Ok, first off, I am trying to imagine a situation where I would be trapped on an iceberg and NOT give in to despair.   Secondly, I can't imagine killing seabirds by flinging chunks of ice at them, and finally I am pretty sure a seal would not hold still for me to club it to death with my ski pole just so I could start a fire using seal blubber and use a wet skin for a smoke signal.

I dunno, maybe I just lack imagination...

Advance or Retreat?

It has been an interesting week for me.   The last week or so I have been bombarded by temptation.  It has hit in virtually every area of my life (work frustrations, addiction-related, dealing with finances, interacting with Noah, etc) and has left me feeling unstable and off balance.   Last night at my men's group, I was whining about it and the leader pointed out that I had officially moved back into the house about 2 weeks ago and did I see any possible correlation?

Doh!  Yeah, the enemy has every reason to want me to fail and no reason to see me grow, heal and mature.  I probably could have seen this coming but I didn't.  The result is that I have struggled to keep my feet under me and moving instead of reaching out for prayer, encouragement and support.  The enemy succeeded in isolating me - at least for a time.  Now that I understand what is happening, I am taking steps to counter it.

Sometimes I forget that I am in a spiritual battle and think that it is all about my personal struggles.  I drifted away from the herd and the lion almost picked me off.  Fortunately I was only scratched up a bit.

Armour up, the battle is on!

Confusion Rocks!

It has been an interesting day at work.  We are in the final stages of completing a project - at least on paper.  The truth is that we have yet (in 6 weeks of trying) to have a successful dry run.  The work I did Saturday was negated because the people driving the current round of testing didn't understand the dependencies.  The result was stuff done out of order and a corrupted environment.  Oh goody, I get to reset, restart and restore.  I can hardly wait for Friday morning to see what messes I have to clean up from the Thursday night deployment.

The State Shifted

I think the Sacramento valley shifted into the Pacific North-West this weekend.   The rain started Sunday and except for a few brief breaks, seems determined to last for several weeks.  I am actually not complaining though, we desperately needed the rain.  The downside to all the rain is that it really snarls my commute - took my almost 30 minutes longer to get to the office this morning.

True to form, I stayed offline for the most part this weekend and spent time with my family.   Sunday after church we went shopping for lamps and found 2 we really like as well as a third that is a maybe.  There is a possibility that the women's bible study will be hosted at our house in February.  Yesterday afternoon, Noah and I built a Lego construct to supplement his mission report.   After dinner we watched the movie "My Sister's Keeper."   It was a really good flick but not exactly uplifting.

This week I am starting to fill out my inventory worksheets.   I will keep you updated on my progress.

blessings on your (wet & rainy) day

When It Isn't Your Fault

Frustration, anxiety, even rage - these are all the feelings we experience when we fail as a result of someone else's failure or even incompetence.  The last day or so I have been struggling with this issue.  I am effectively prevented from doing my job because of someone else.  I have users clamoring for resolution, mangers demanding explanations and people expressing dissatisfaction.  I am expected to somehow "just make it work" when the reality is that the situation is completely out of my control.  And through it all, I am supposed to respond in grace to those around me.

I think it is easier to stick your elbow in your own ear.

Survival

There are many tips that you can get on survival.  My survival calendar taught me how to dig a snow-cave yesterday.  Over the years I have tried a lot of things to boost my survival.  In the end, it has all been meaningless.  When I struggle, strive and fight to survive I fail (often spectacularly).  When I surrender and let God take charge, I thrive.  This has been true of my finances, my career and my addictions.   I am reminded of this almost daily.

You are free to try whatever method you want :o)  Let me know how things work out in YOUR life.

Spam

Well I got spammed again on the blog.  It seems to run in cycles.  This time was some lamer who posted a bunch of spam-links in some Asian script that would take you to a merchandising site.  S/He posted comments on 9 different articles.  Over the years I have had to make a choice on whether or not to lock down my blog.  I have chosen to leave things wide open rather than restrict who can post comments.  Unless it gets too much to handle, I will continue that policy.

This is the place I record my thoughts and feelings - the online journal of my life.  I invite participation but don't require it.  Sometimes the things I post make some people uncomfortable - that is OK as well.  I appreciate the fact that some take the time and effort to read what I write - but I don't write for you, the causal reader.  No indeed, I write for myself.  There is a catharsis in writing - in journaling.  And from that comes healing.

blessings on your day

Hate Speech

Every time I think that Christians are finally getting it, something else happens to remind me that there are far too many people who call themselves Christians who seem to have no idea what the Word really says.  They grab some verse somewhere, take it completely out of context and ignore anything else in the Word that contradicts their interpretation.

My old favorite are the Christians who seem to think that if they only believe a little harder, they will find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (regardless of any attempt to point out that the bible says quite the opposite).  My newest pain comes from a group who have decided that they are in the right will of God to pray for the demise of our president.  The original article that caught my eye is HERE.  Again, regardless of what you may think about our president, his policies, personal life or politics - He Is Our President!  The Word CLEARLY states that ALL authority comes from God and that ALL rulers exist by His sufferance.  If God wanted a different person to sit in the Oval Office, then a different person would sit in the Oval Office.

Pray for those in authority - it is God's will for you today.

Yes It Is For Real

Text HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 to The Red Cross Int'l Relief Fund to help out the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere

We are the richest nation on earth, it is a good idea to help out.  Please consider it.

Story HERE

thanks

Here Comes the Sun

It was wonderful today to have to shield my eyes from the sun at lunch. It has been weeks since I last saw the noon-day sun.  I recognize that it is only because we are having a brief respite from rain, but it was still marvelous not to sit under the grey canopy of the fog.

Please Pray

Please pray for the nation and people of Haiti.  By all accounts, the earthquake has devastated that country.  Potentially hundreds of thousands are dead.  It is a desperately poor country and in need of Jesus as well as immediate aide.

Making the News

This morning on the way to work, 2 news trucks (you know the type - with the mile high antennas ) parked along side the road on the freeway.  They were right in front of a construction site but nothing obvious was happening.  I don't know what they were reporting on, but if it was the traffic conditions, they were in fact "making the news."  There was at least 1/2 mile of traffic all backed up simply because the trucks were there.  Once you got past the 2 news vehicles, traffic flowed just fine.  Setting up news trucks at a place on the freeway that is often a choke point anyway wasn't the brightest of moves.  It lends a whole new meaning to the term "making the news."

An Old Friend

Some of my oldest friends have stopped by for a visit this week.  Unfortunately, these are not the kind of friends you can have lunch with or invite over to the house for a visit with the family.  The last month has seen a sharp increase in my load at work as well as pressure to perform flawlessly.  Any margin we had has evaporated like summer dew.  The spectre of my addiction has refused to subside and it seems that temptations arise at every turn.  Add to that the pressures and stresses that come with a large, extended and blended family and you get the equivalent of the Wild Hunt at your door.

None of this comes as a surprise.   The enemy loathes seeing us grow, recover and mature.  A healthy Christian is a threat to him.  He wants to see us weak, downtrodden, defeated and ineffective.   We are told in James to "resist the devil" and he will flee from us.   Over the (short) course of my recovery, I have seen some start strong and falter as well as some who could barely stand manage to keep crawling towards victory.   Resistance doesn't always mean standing firm and unassailable - it means never giving up.

I can open the door to my old friends or slam it shut in their faces - the choice is mine as it is yours.

blessings on your day

Fun @ Work

Every once in a while I can't resist the temptation to play with the bean counters.   Every company has many of the "one size fits all" rules and regulations.  Obviously there are occasions when there have to be exceptions.  Just as obviously, the "bean counters" will go to extreme lengths to deny that these exceptions exist.  I tend to be one of those employees that HR, Payroll and Accounting loathe.  I can't resist patiently and methodically demonstrating the flaws in the rules and why they are going to have to grant an exemption.  Today I took delight in pointing out that following the rules regarding time reporting to the letter would guarantee me overtime payment.  I also know that there are ways around it that the Payroll person has not considered and probably won't.

Yep, I am a stinker  :o)

Imitation

It is interesting to me how things line up.  The VOTD was Ephesians 5:1-2 which speaks of imitating Christ and the devotional from the 1st discussed how we need to know the mind of God if we are to be like Him.   Of course the only way to know the mind of God is to read what He wrote - yet another reason to be the Word regularly.  I have known people that do this well - you can usually ask them almost anything along the line of "What do you think God wants.." and they know without needing to open a book.  They know because they are so immersed in the Word that they understand how God thinks.

It was the fashion a while back for believers to wear WWJD in some form about their person.   I wonder how many of those wearing the letters could actually answer the question "What Would Jesus Do" if they were asked about a specific situation or topic?

On a sad note, Andrew heard today that he didn't get the job in the USAF that they had for him.  Apparently another person was in line and accepted it at the last possible minute.

It's Official

Well Andrew got the word today.  The USAF found him a technical job in electronics somewhere and he reports for Basic Training on January 19th.  I am very proud of the boy, I know he will do VERY well in the AF (he got a 93 on his entrance exam).


Congratulations Andrew!

Battle of the Mind

The VOTD (verse-of-the-day for the new reader) was from 1 Peter chapter 1:

1 Peter 1:13 So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world.


Very timely indeed as I continue my voyage of recovery.  My devotional was on this topic as well (Your Thought Life).   Walter Henrichsen has become one of my favorite devotional authors.  The battle for your mind is something that very few Christians are ever conscious of.  Yet our place in the Kingdom as well as our level of effectiveness is directly tied to this.  Over and over the Scriptures remind us to guard our hearts and minds from the enemy.  Certainly and addict understands that "practicing" starts in the mind long before the addict takes any action at all.

By controlling and renewing our thoughts we can not only take charge of our lives but we can also make serious inroads against the enemies' plans for our destruction.  What you choose to think about determines who you really are.

blessings on your day

Again the Fog

A half-dozen times I year I mention how little I enjoy the fog.  The cold, damp, dreariness grinds me down.  This is especially true when it drags on for days (or even weeks) at a time.  Occasionally, the sun will break through in Roseville late in the afternoon, but this has not been the case the last few days.

To counteract that, I have installed a string of miniature Coleman Lantern lights in my cubicle at work.  (How this counteracts the fog, I am not entirely sure).  One of my children gave me a desk calendar (the lights are a gift from one of the kids as well) that has 365 survival tips.  Today I learned how to Deflect and Counter a Sword Blow.  This could some in very handy if I ever travel back in time.  :o)

Inventory Time

At Step 4, we take a moral (honest) inventory of ourselves.  Being raised Lutheran, I am pretty good at guilt (is darn close to RC in that regard).  What I am less good at is recognizing the positive aspects of my life and my character.  Over the last few months I have confronted many of my flaws and failures as I have come to grips with my addictions.  This has been a painful and often brutal process but extremely necessary if my recovery is to be genuine and lasting.

To do a personal inventory correctly (and as completely as is possible at this point in my life) means to find balance.  If you focus on the flaws and faults, you spiral down into despair.  If you focus on the successes and achievements you are in denial.  Finding a balance almost always means having a mentor (sponsor, accountability partner) at your side to help you.  Staying balanced and staying "real" is my challenge for the next couple of months.  Please be in prayer for me through this process.

Celebrate

I celebrate 60 days today.   It has been a rough 2 months and I know the struggle will never truly be over but I feel like I am finally starting to turn a corner.  I also recognize the the enemy will certainly step up his attempts to get me to stumble and falter.  Recovery is a journey without a final destination and it is accomplished one day at a time.

blessings on YOUR day  :o)

A New Start

Well we did it - we survived 2009 and are on the edge of a new year.   Last year was a rough one for many of us.  For our family, it was rough due to the issues that Emm and I have started to address.  For others it might be economic or health related issues.  Regardless of what the struggle was, most of us look forward to a fresh start in the new year.

I am not big on the whole "resolutions" thing but I do recognize that the start of a new year does provide a starting point for changes.  Many of my changes have their roots in the last few months.   The programs and studies I am attending have been working and I see my focus shifting.   For perhaps the first time in my life, I can truly say that I am releasing things to God that I have held on to for...well, ever.  I know that there is more that God is gently prying from my hands and I am working on letting the rest of it go as well.


What do YOU need to let go this new year?

Not a Food/Cooking Blog

There are about a gazillion food/cooking blogs out there - this is NOT one of them.

That being said, I did try out a new recipe last night.  Emm got me the Mastering French Cooking books for Christmas and asked me to cook "something new."   So I took a shot at Coq Au Vin (page 263).   It was amazing!   Noah had 3 helpings of chicken and 2 of potatoes.  Anytime the boy asks for seconds, I know I have a success on my hands.   It did take my about 2 1/2 hours in the kitchen (constantly moving) to do it.  I think I could shave maybe an hour off that if I was more familiar with the recipe and was able to multi-task a little better.  Still, those recipes are pretty intense and tend to use a LOT of dishes.