Trust Me

Trust issues - almost everyone seems to have them from time-to-time. I know I certainly do.   It is kind of interesting watching how these issues play out in our lives.  With many things and many situations, trust comes with experience.  At an early age we learn to trust constants like "this chair will hold me up" and "if I cry mom or dad will come running."  Eventually we learn that some people can be trusted and others can't.   We learn that without trust in a relationship there can never be any depth. Many children (mine included) learned far too early that you can't even trust that your family will stay intact.  Some learn that you can't trust your friends and family to treat you "appropriately."

Once trust is broken it can take a very long time (if at all) before it is regained.  There are people in my life whom I will never trust and others who have my trust but not in all areas.  The reasons are many - some because the trust was betrayed and others simply because I don't see integrity and "trustworthiness" in how they live their lives.  I think that in order to trust someone you have to believe that they would put your interests before their own - and let's face it, this is a tough sell in today's society.

So how is it that I struggle daily with trusting God?  He has NEVER failed to do what He says.  He is constantly doing what is in my best interest.  He has never let me down or abandoned me.  He always exhibits integrity far beyond anything I can even imagine.  I can spend hours telling you about all the things He has done in my life or in the lives of people close to me.  Yet in spite of all this I struggle with trusting Him to run things.

I have come to realize that it is my own selfish nature that keeps me bound and unwilling to release control to Him.  While intellectually I trust that He will do what I need, I don't trust Him to do what I want - and THAT is at the heart of my problem.  There are things in my life that - quite frankly - I like, even while knowing that they aren't good for me and that they don't belong in my life.  In part, it is the same mentality that I see in my kids.   We hate "school" and we hate "boundaries" and we hate not being able to do absolutely anything we want whenever we want.  And like our kids, the first place we run when our lives come crashing down is back to Daddy.

Letting go of the dark places, the bad habits and the selfishness is something I have to do daily - well more like minute-by-minute.  Trusting that He has my back is easy - trusting that what He wants for my life is better than what I want is brutally hard.

blessings on your day