Better footwork than Fred Astaire, more graceful than Ginger Rogers, tapping faster than the stars of River Dance, more agile than a contortionist - these all describe the dance of the addict. A practicing addict may be able to hide his/her addiction for many years. Family, friends and mates may suspect but rarely are able to pierce the veil and web that the addict weaves unaided. We get so good at putting up a false front, hiding the core of our being and covering up our addictions that often we truly don't know who we are. I am listening to a song by Three Dog Night titled The Show Must Go On. This really epitomizes the addict's dance. Under no circumstance must anyone see the real "us." We must not let the mask slip or allow the show to stop.
You see, when the show stops we have to be real, authentic, transparent and that is terrifying to the extreme. The dance hides our pain, our insecurities, our failures. It protects us and keeps us safe. It also prevents anyone from truly knowing us or getting close to us. It stunts our growth emotionally and spiritually (we think we are hiding from God as well).
On the outside we might look good. We present an image of respectability, spirituality, competence. We seem to have relationships, success, confidence. I know people that have made this work for decades (I did it for 35 years). I suspect some never, ever come out from behind that wall - it is just too scary to contemplate. I also know that until God ripped my walls down, stripped me and laid me bare on the ground I could not heal, grow or have intimate relationships. Addiction comes in so many flavors - alcohol, drugs, sex, career, co-dependency, relationships. We will do almost anything to avoid dealing with pain and reality.
If you are doing the "dance" I urge you to stop - be real. authentic, transparent. In the long term it will destroy you completely, and from the inside out.
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