From an article by Dr. Gary Smalley
People disappoint us—what do we do?
Neither marriage nor any other human relationship makes one whole out of two halves. When you expect a human relationship to turn your half into a whole, you're headed for disappointment. Why? Because what really happens is that you believe that this other (flawed) person will make up for your personal deficiencies. This is when your heartache and disappointment and disillusionment double. It's not hard to see why. In your experience, do two unhappy or incomplete people normally form one happy couple? Not without God making it happen!
You, and not someone else, choose how you will react to what life throws at you. You, and no one else, decide what you will do when someone pushes your emotional buttons. I believe that only by taking personal responsibility for your thoughts and submitting them to God will you find the secret to building strong relationships. Your focus on God and allowing His changes in your life determine your level of happiness and fulfillment. For me, "God alone is my happiness, life, love, and fulfillment." Look up Ephesians 3:16-20.
Have you put your expectations in other people for happiness?
6 comments:
Yeah well, that all may be well and true, but I still expect to behave the way I want them to.
sigh... and I expect to be able to actually type ALL of the words in a sentence...
ahem...
that would be; I still expect people to behave the way I want them to
Expectations are the most dangerous thing in any relationship. By presupposing specific behavior/reactions we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.
I don't disagree that "we" set ourselves up for disappointment, but for me, I'd rather be disappointed than lower my standards. I expect people to be honest, to act with integrity, to stand up for their beliefs, and the list goes on. Does everyone adhere to my expectations? Absolutely not, but I refuse to compromise who I am to make others feel better. I am the eternal optimist; I hope, I believe and I expect the best in people. If they choose to fall short, that's on them; not me.
I don't think the author is talking so much about "standards" as relational expectations. Things like 'he should know I expect flowers on my birthday', 'she should know that I don't want to be interrupted during the big game'.
The classic line is "well you should know me well enough by now to know that..."
This will ALWAYS lead to disappointment. Expecting people to know our needs/desires and meet them without being told is fatal.
OIC! Ok, that makes sense. I don't have that issue in my relationships ~ none of us are very shy about telling others what we want, think or expect. Don't ever ask anyone in my circle what they think... they will tell you. Come to think of it, they'll tell you whether or not you ask. LOL
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