Flow Ride

Surfing wall  :D

Main Promenade (Daylight)

Water Zone for Kids

Port of Miami

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Mariott in Miami

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

We Have Arrived

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Bon Voyage

We will be leaving early tomorrow morning.   I will email pictures to the blog when I can.  Expect them to be sporadic as it will depend on where we are and if there is service for my cell phone.  We are having friends stay at the house to watch the menagerie.  My boss will take over my project for the next week.

Blessings and I will talk to you when I get back.

Odds & Ends

I finished up my main project at work over 2 days ahead of schedule.  This will allow my colleagues to test the work while I am still around to make changes (a "good thing").   We still have a few things we need to get for our cruise next week so Emma and I will be running errands later in the evening.   I am really anxious to be sitting on the pool deck watching the waves :o)   I will admit that I am a bit unfocused today as half of me is trying to figure out what I need to hand off here in the office before I leave tomorrow and the other half is already sitting in a lounger.

All That I need

I am pretty sure I have posted on this before and in all likelihood will do so again.  As human beings we have needs that we can not meet or fill on our own.  For most (all?) of us, we look to the people in our lives to meet those needs.  We look to our parents when we are children, to our peers and girl/boy friends in our teens, to our mate and our children as adults.  We seek out friends that can fill some of the void and may medicate to cover over other parts.  When we find someone that does a good job of meeting those needs, we put them up on a pedestal and quickly come to depend - depend on them to meet our needs, always be there, never let us down.

The result is that eventually and inevitably they fail us. When they do we end up broken and bleeding.  Sometimes the scars run so deep that we may never fully trust anyone again.  If this has never happened to you then you are very blessed indeed.

The only real solution there is (and I don't consider becoming an emotional hermit a real, viable solution) is to stop looking to people to meet those needs.  For those that God calls His own, the promise is absolute - He will supply all our needs.  Some people will fight against that and restrict Him to meeting spiritual needs and to "911" style emergencies.  The truth, however, is that God promised to meet all our needs. 

One of the reasons we struggle with this is that He never promised to supply all our wants.  The result is that often we are missing things in our life that we think we need to survive.  The only solution?  Trust - if we trust God to keep His promises (besides supplying our needs He also promises that He will cause everything to work out for our ultimate good) then we have what we need to survive even if we don't have what we want to be comfortable.

This lesson is never an easy one and it is one that is repeated in my life time and again.  Too much of who I am wants to be in control, in charge and in comfort - and that is not His plan for my life.

blessings on your day

Celebrate!

VOTD

"Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding."

Proverbs 3:13, NLT

Let Them Eat Cake

Since we will be gone for Mother's Day, Jocelyn made Emma a cake this last weekend.  She has been taking decorating classes, reading, studying and investing in equipment and supplies.  She has really gotten quite good :o)

Looking Good

Self examination is one of the things that the Word instructs us to do on a regular basis.  To do it right can be difficult or even painful.  While the Word does a great job of reflecting our true selves there is another way that can be even better - marriage.

One of the best places to go to find out who you really are is your marriage.   Our spouses see us at our best, worst and everything in between.  If we are open and honest, they know more about us than anyone else ever will.  They see us when we are trying to impress the neighbors and when we drop a garbage disposal on our head under the sink.  They see us lose our temper, give in to temptation, celebrate victories and embrace defeat. In short, they see us for who we truly are.  In the process they decide to love us anyway.  The result is an accurate mirror of who we are - whether we like what we see or not.

There are three challenges in this that need to be addressed in order for this "mirroring" to be effective.  The first challenge (perhaps obviously) is to be open, honest and transparent with our spouse.  For an addict, this is brutally difficult and something I have failed in for most of my marriage.  It is only in the last 6 months or so that I have begun opening up, sharing my true feelings and releasing my secrets.

The second challenge we face is that of asking.  We sometime feel that if we don't ask we won't hear things we don't like.  While that may at some level be true, it is also called "avoidance."  Avoiding issues really don't make them go away.  Failing to check in with our spouse and ask the hard questions ("what do you really think about how I look/responded/handled that/treat you") doesn't change the reality.  It is like turning the mirror to the wall and pretending you look great.  Take a chance - ask a question.

The last challenge is about love.  Whether we are hearing what our spouse has to say or sharing the answers to THEIR questions, ultimately it comes down to how we present ourselves.  Lashing out in retaliation for an answer we don't like or brutalizing the one we love is wrong no matter what the situation.  We need to swallow our ego, remember who we are and stand in humility regardless of which side of the conversation is ours.  Mirrors don't work well (or last long) if we throw rocks at them.  Likewise our spouse won't answer questions (or ask them) if our responses are ugly, angry and unloving.  Providing a safe environment is crucial for this to work.

Have you polished your mirror today?

Where Do We Go From Here?

If recovery is a journey then I am in Nebraska.  There is a point in recovery when motion and progress seems to stop.  Now I recognize that this is basically an illusion as I am still adding days of recovery and working on myself in the process.   At the same time, the huge gains and milestones are mostly behind me for now.  I continue to work on self-evaluation, determining the impact others have had in my life and practicing emotional intimacy.  The last item, of course, is the one on which I focus most of my attention as it is the one area in which I am weakest.

When addicts start their decent into addiction something happens - they stop growing emotionally.  For me this happened in my mid-to-late teens.  I didn't develop the coping mechanisms nor the ability to open up and share completely.  Like all addicts, the secrets I carried prevented me from allowing anyone to see the depths of my heart and soul.  The result was a stunting of growth, I was effectively an emotional bonsai.

Now that I am putting off the chains and bonds of my addictions, I have freed my little bonsai from the root bound pot it was in and an watering, fertilizing and nurturing it.  Already I can see new growth and the promise of even more.  I am sure that with time and care it will grow into a healthy, vibrant tree with deep roots.  In the mean time I travel through Nebraska content to simply be continuing on the journey.

Weekend Recap

Emma worked this weekend so it was just the boy and I for the most part.   This weekend we focused on getting the tasks completed that needed to be done before we leave next weekend.  We got the tub faucets repaired; lawns mowed; batteries in the smoke detectors; suitcases down; receipts filed; etc.

Saturday night we had a game (which we won) and I had to work.  Although things looked good and I finished early, I ended up getting paged all night and had to do a fair amount of cleanup and repair.  I guess it just goes to show that even perfect days can end in rain.   Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day at our house as next weekend we will be on a cruise ship.  Noah made his mom a planter for the kitchen table  :)

I am in early today as I have tons of project work that has to be completed by the time I leave Friday.   I hope you all have a wonderful Monday and we will talk again soon.